that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
