I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
