she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
