No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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