Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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