Dual....:-)
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
