all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
