ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
