I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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