Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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