508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
