So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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