You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
