seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
