He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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