Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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