I puked a lego.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
