i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
