so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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