How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she told me i tasted like america
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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