Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I came so hard my ears popped.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
