Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
