i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
