She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
two words: eviction party
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
