Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
