ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
