you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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