Having a random hookup so left but love u
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
