hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
