i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
