Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
