but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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