Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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