i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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