Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
