I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
