having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
