Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
