Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
