i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
