I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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