I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
