Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
