I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
