well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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