pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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