Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
