Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
