So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
