I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
this boner is exhausting
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
