I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
