hotel room ftw
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
