On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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