He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
