Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
