so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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