I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
