somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
